Expert Tips for Managing Frenemies at Work
Many of us encounter a frenemy at some point in our lives, especially at work. A frenemy is someone who appears friendly but secretly dislikes you or sees you as competition. Their underhanded comments and subtle jabs can sabotage your projects, undermine work relationships, and damage your reputation without breaking a sweat and all while sounding perfectly sincere.
A frenemy’s power comes from being part of your circle. They know your strengths, weaknesses, ambitions, and personal life, which is what fuels their envy and insecurity. Your success, stability, or confidence can trigger in them a desire to take some of your shine away or assume your opportunities. While frenemies may start as friends, these relationships can quickly deteriorate into rivalry, gossip, backhanded compliments, or subtle abuse. Sometimes, they will even try to isolate you, shaping the narrative about you so that it becomes the one everyone believes.
Similar to certain animals, frenemies bite you and cause pain, then blow, to offer comfort that keeps you tied to their inner circle. For example, they might share unfair comments with a senior colleague, jeopardising an opportunity for you. When you feel disappointed, they swoop in with consolation: “There will be other chances,” or “You probably didn’t want that job anyway.” Alternatively, they may distance themselves from the situation, feigning ignorance while secretly celebrating your stumble. Do not be surprised if they then “unexpectedly” land the opportunity themselves! 😉
Here are 5 things you can do to manage this relationship and keep your career on track:
Limit Personal Information & Time
If a frenemy does not know something about you, they cannot use it against you. Keep plans like job applications, promotions, and personal ambitions private. Protecting your personal information reduces their ability to influence or manipulate outcomes.
Tackle Isolation
A frenemy thrives when they are your sole source of feedback or support. Widen your circle at work and in your personal life so they cannot control your narrative. Isolation is a tool you must shield yourself from by building a wide network.
Avoid Gossip
Never feed the machine. Sharing gossip about others gives frenemies ammunition and undermines your credibility. The frenemy will inevitably share your gossip, which can damage your reputation. If their actions were to affect an opportunity, for example, they would offer you comfort, which is a signature bitten-and-blown action.
Be Strategic
Before you share anything important with a frenemy, make sure your boss, team, or other key stakeholders are in the loop. This will prevent them from front-running your ideas, projects, or initiatives. Focus on excelling at your work, leaving minimal room for conjecture or interference. By being strategic, you limit their opportunity to undermine your progress.
Examine Your Role
Do you make inflammatory comments, show off, or boast about every small win to provoke envy? Remember that small victories are just that, small. Focus on what truly matters because where your attention goes, your energy follows. Stay in control to avoid feeding the trickster.
You do not have to descend to their level. Stay civil but remain vigilant. Pay attention to behavioural changes in longtime colleagues and trust your intuition to warn you. Watch out for phrases like, “You look great. I could not wear that to work,” or “Your presentation was great, but I guess the competition was weak.” These types of comments are the first bites. Vet new colleagues carefully before admitting them into your inner circle. Protecting your career, confidence, relationships, and well-being depends on your vigilance.
A frenemy bites, then blows, keeping you off balance. Mind your boundaries and do not encourage them.
This article is not personal advice. The information contained in this article has been designed for educational and informational purposes only and not for your specific circumstance. It is provided solely to enable you to make your own choices. No material in this article is a substitute for professional advice.
All products have been selected by our editorial team; however, we may earn a commission on some products purchased through links in this article. Please note that any hyperlinks or references are provided for your convenience & information only. We are not responsible for the quality, accuracy, timelines, reliability or any other aspect of these products and services that you obtain from a site we have posted a link to. We also have no control over third party websites and accept no legal responsibility for any content, material or information contained or accessed in them. We make every effort to attribute the correct source of every image we use. If you think an attribution is incorrect or missing, please contact us at info@violasedit.com
You must be logged in to post a comment.